While it is true that we are living in the 21st century and that things are not nearly as oppressive for interracial couples anymore, that doesn’t mean that there are no boundaries to cross. Interracial dating is not frowned upon per se, but interracial couples still draw an occasional long, surprised stare.
The recent rise in social justice warriors across the world has done little to alleviate the pressure from interracial dating. If nothing, the situation seems a bit more complex now than it had been at the beginning of the 2000s.
Plus, with the massive rise of social media, these days anyone can come out with an opinion, and the people running the “racial relations narrative” are usually ill-equipped to do so – making things worse than they are.
Still, we are not here to discuss race and racism in the 21st century. We’re here to discuss love in the 21st century.
Let’s talk about the issues couples that include a white man and a black woman face. This situation, as far as we can see, is far less about race and more about the differences in the cultural and social environments in which these two sides were raised in and were influenced by.
Since each person is different, no matter the race, we can’t really say that these tips are applicable 100% of the time and we would like to stress that we are painting in broad strokes here.
Decide if you are experimenting or you really like this person
This advice goes out to both sides. If, as a white man, you’ve only dated white girls so far and suddenly you start fancying a black lady, make sure you are not just being drawn in by the “exotic” and the “new”.
The same goes for black girls. It’s only natural that new experiences excite us more, and this excitement may lead us to dive headfirst into a relationship without really understanding our emotions.
Don’t get us wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with trying to date outside of your race for the sake of experimentation. There is nothing wrong with casually dating someone either. Just make sure that the other person doesn’t get too attached and your excitement for the relationship slowly dwindles down as the novelty of the relationship wears off.
Don’t change yourself to be liked
This is good dating advice all around, but it’s even more important in this situation. Due to the differences in your cultural and social upbringings, one or both of you might be tempted to emulate things you see in popular culture. This never works.
If you start emulating the other person’s culture and have very limited knowledge about it, you are not going to do very well, ending up being silly, awkward or even offensive. Talk about your differences, exchange experiences and you will surely, through conversation, find out more legitimate information about each other’s cultures, as well as each other as people.
Social and racial stereotypes may lead you to believe that a person is into something purely based on their race. For example, she is a black woman, therefore, she must be into R&B and Hip-Hop or he’s a white guy, he must love NFL and drive a Toyota Prius.
These might not even be good examples, but this is because stereotypes are unreliable and a person’s likes and dislikes are theirs alone – they don’t come as a part of a racial package.
The differences and expectations in dating approach
There seems to be a general consensus that white guys are a bit more timid in their approach compared to black guys. Being that men are traditionally the ones that initiate contact, this difference in the approach may cause some confusion.
White guys tend to be more subtle when approaching a woman (regardless of race) and they usually like to take things more slowly. They might not even call it “going on a date” – they may refer to it as a simple hang out, which can create confusion.
Still, if he is initiating all these hangouts, is interested in your day and your hangouts always include just the two of you, then you can be pretty sure that he is interested.
As far as advice for guys goes, we would leave you with a simple one – try to be more open with your intentions. Don’t lose your love interest just because your approach is a bit too convoluted for her taste. Don’t overdo it, but a simple compliment wouldn’t hurt – just to keep things clear.
Sure, there is the added pressure of a white guy approaching a black girl, and you need to tread carefully, but the healthiest way of looking at it is this – you’re just a guy approaching a woman who he finds attractive.
If you want to give this a shot without too much social pressure, you might want to consider using interracial dating sites so you can actually get to know each other first before having a first date.
When it comes to racial stereotyping, this one is probably the most prominent one for both sides. The stereotype is that black guys are more naturally endowed – we’ve all heard it.
Is it true? Who knows! Nobody took the time to go around with a measuring tape and find out the exact average of penis length in white guys and black guys and then compare the results.
For black girls, this situation might be a bit more simple. Regardless of a man’s race, you never know what he’s got in his pants until he, well, gets it out. It’s always a gamble and you shouldn’t let a stereotype stop you from finding out what making love to your white guy is really like – if it’s bad, it’s bad, but what if it’s good?
Plus, we mentioned that white guys tend to be a bit shy while dating, but this doesn’t apply to the bedroom.
For guys, well, get over yourself. If you are going to worry if a girl, any girl, had bigger guys then you, well, you’ll never get far with any woman. Relax, let your passion take over and have fun. Don’t start judging yourself before anything even happens.
This one is for both sides. Sex gets better over time! Sure, there are some exceptions where the first time you hook up is immediately amazing and it’s nothing but orgasms and passion. Still, the pressure of that first time may have an impact on the experience, even more so in this kind of situation. The more your intimacy grows, the better your sex life will be.
As a final note, you are not dating each other’s races, you are dating each other. Don’t let this become about race exclusively. You are just people that like each other. Have fun, respect each other‘s difference, have patience when overcoming them and don’t let an outside influence get in the way of the chemistry the two of you have developed.